She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
