my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
