well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
