Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
