I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
