I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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