Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
