someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
