i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
