Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
