Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
