You made me cry and you don't even care
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
