Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
