Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
