Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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