If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
