This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
