he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She bit a glass in half.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
