Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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