My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am one with the molecules
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
