Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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