i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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