Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
