please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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