Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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