Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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