Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your cock deserves a montage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
