i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
