I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
