4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
