Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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