so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
