I will die if light touches me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
