normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
