Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
