he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
