There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
