3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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