I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
