that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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