Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if only i could text you this smell
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
