just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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