I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
