I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
