dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
