Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
