there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
