dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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