Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
