i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
