She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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