Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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