You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
