dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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