I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
