You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
