I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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