we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
