I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
